from the novel 'Shiver'
I vowed never to lose the pom-pom hat. Sam was still holding my face; I was sure everyone in town was looking now. But I didn't want to pull away, and I let him kiss me one more time, this time soft as snow, barely a touch, and then he released me and took my hand instead.
It took me a moment to find my voice, and when I did, I couldn't stop grinning. "Okay. Where are we going?" It was cold enough that I knew it had to be close; we couldn't stay out here much longer.
Sam's fingers were laced tightly with mine. "To a Grace shop first. That's what a proper gentleman would do."
I giggled, completely unlike me, and Sam laughed because he knew it. I was drunk with Sam. I let him walk me down the stark concrete block to The Crooked Shelf, a little independent bookstore; I hadn't been there for a year. It seemed stupid that I hadn't, given how many books I read, but I was just a poor high schooler with a very limited allowance. I got my books from the library.
"This is a Grace-shop, right?" Sam pushed open the door without waiting for my answer. wonderful wave of new-book smell came rushing out, reminding me immediately of Christmas. My parents always got me books for Christmas. With a melodic ding, the shop door swung shut behind us, and Sam released my hand. "Where to? I'll buy you a book. I know you want one."
I smiled at the stacks, inhaling again. Hundreds of thousands of pages that had never been turned, waiting for me. The selves were a warm, blond wood, piled with spines of every color. Staff picks were arranged on tables, glossy covers reflecting the light back at me. Behind the little cubby where the cashier sat, ignoring us, stairs covered with rich burgundy carpet led us up to worlds unknown. "I could just live here," I said.
Sam watched my face with obvious pleasure. "I remember watching you reading books on the tire swing. Even in the most stupid weather. Why didn't you read inside when it was to cold?"
My eyes followed the rows and rows of books. "Books are more real when you read them outside." I bit my lip. eyes flitting from shelf to shelf. "I don't know where to go first."
"I'll show you something," Sam said. The way he said it made me believe that it was not only something but a very amazing something that he had waited all day to show me. He took my hand again and led me through the store, past the uninterested cashier, and up the silent stairs that swallowed the sounds of our footsteps and kept them.
Upstairs was a little soft, less than half the size of the store below, with a railing to keep us from tumbling back down to the ground floor.
"One summer, I worked here. Sit. Wait." Sam guided me to a battered burgundy love seat that took up a large part of the floor space. I took off my hat and sat, charmed by his orders, and checked out his butt while he searched on the shelves for whatever he was looking for. Unaware of my stare, he crouched, running his fingers along spines like they were old friends. I watched the slope of his shoulders, the tilt of his head, the way one hand braced, fingers spread crablike on the floor, as he knelt by the shelves. Finally he found what he was looking for and he came over to the love seat.
"Close your eyes," he said. Without waiting for me, he pressed his hand over my eyelids, shutting them for me. I felt the love seat shift as he slid in beside me, heard the inexplicably loud sound of the cover opening, the pages inside scrapping against each other as he turned them.
Then I felt his breath on my ear as he said, voice barely audible, "I am alone in the world, and yet not alone enough to make each hour holy. I am lowly in this world, and yet not lowly enough for me to be just a thing to you, dark and shrewd. I want my will and I want to go with my will as it moves towards action." He paused, long, the only sound his breath, a little ragged, before he went on, "and I want, in those silent, somehow faltering time, to be with someone who knows, or else alone. I want to reflect everything about you, and I never want to be too blind or too ancient to keep your profound wavering image with me. I want to unfold. I don't want to be folded anywhere, because there, where I'm folded, I am a lie."
I turned my face toward his voice, eyes still fast shut, and he put his mouth on mine. I felt his lips pull from mine slightly, just for moment, and heard the rustle of the book laid on the floor, and then he wrapped his arms around me.
to be continued in next post.......
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authored by 'Maggie Stiefvater'
Thanks for bringing such a beautiful work to me.
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